Psalm 104: The Hills Smoke

Our family has been on a journey with our Shepherd in the valley of shadows the past two weeks, and my soul’s desire is to “make known His deeds among the peoples” (1 Chronicles 16:8).  O Lord my God, You are very great!

On Monday, August 25, my mother-in-law (Joyce), who had been on hospice since April, abruptly transitioned to active dying. My husband and I dropped everything to travel four hours round-trip to be with her that day. The following day I needed to take my own mother almost as far in the opposite direction for a risky, sight-saving surgery, after which I would be taking care of her at our home for a few weeks as she would have stringent restrictions.  Pulled in two directions with no idea how anything was possibly going to work out, I told some friends, “We are poised between the Red Sea and Pharaoh’s army. I got nothin’.  Abba is going to have to part some seas, move some mountains, shake some fortifications for us, and I know He is faithful to do that in His own way. We are resting in the very shadow of the Almighty – the Creator of heaven and earth who can do all things! He will direct our steps, and He is already out ahead of us preparing the way He would have us go. We trust Him to work out the details. Just show us where to go and what to do, Lord, and we’re on it…and if we just need to be still for a while as You do the ‘going’ and ‘doing,’ then settle us under Your wing so we can watch You work. We glorify Your holy name and thank You from the depths of our hearts in advance for what we know You will do in us and through us and around us in these circumstances.”

…and our faithful God immediately commenced His marvelous works.  

Mom’s left eye is totally blind. When I took the patch off her right eye the morning after surgery, I handed her a Bible that was on the table next to her, flipped it open to a random page, and asked if she could see anything.  She commenced reading this from Psalm 98: “Sing a new song to the Lord, for he has done wonderful deeds. His right hand has won a mighty victory; His holy arm has shown His saving power. The Lord has announced his victory and has revealed his righteousness to every nation.”  Indeed!

In the meantime, Joyce deteriorated rapidly. God providentially arranged for our son to be available on Tuesday. He hadn’t planned to be with his grandma the entire day, but he ended up staying overnight…and God made a way for him to be there at his grandma’s side until Thursday morning. Our Lord also arranged for one of our daughters to get off work to be there on Wednesday and Thursday.  While Joyce was unresponsive, she would have periods of panic in which something would be bothering her. Wide-eyed, she would flail about. Our kids approached our all-knowing Father, just as Joseph did so many centuries ago regarding the secret interpretation of Pharaoh’s dream, and He mercifully revealed her needs to them. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes it was that she was hot. Cold. Feeling constricted by something. Neck was hurting. …and sometimes it was itching her chin that brought her immediate relief.  (Itching her chin?  I certainly can’t chalk that one up to anything but divine revelation to tender hearts waiting for answers at His throne.) 

On Wednesday morning, Joyce woke up after having been unresponsive most of Tuesday.  “Today is a beautiful day to go.”  She spent that whole forenoon smiling, happy, and largely lucid.  My husband was able to say his goodbyes and I love yous in person, as were our son and daughter. I was at home taking care of my mom, but the kids put me on the phone with Joyce and we had a beautiful final exchange.  God paved the way for our other daughter, who teaches kindergarten, to be allowed to step out of her classroom at a moment’s notice to Zoom with her grandma for a while – a sacred time of connecting and letting go. By noon Joyce was unresponsive again.  

God also sent unexpected people to the room to meet a variety of needs as our kids watched and waited and assisted Joyce. One individual ordained by God to step onto the scene was the assisted living chaplain who happened to be there for the Wednesday evening church service and happened to hear about Joyce. Whatever she said and did during that visit, it met specific soul needs in that moment. What comfort and peace God provided in ways they couldn’t have orchestrated themselves.  (…and another chaplain whom Joyce didn’t particularly care for – one who would have been there otherwise – was on vacation to boot. A coincidence? Hmmm…)  The kids spent another sleepless night loving on Joyce until she passed into Jesus’ arms at 1:18 am Thursday morning.  They were then awakened in the wee hours by a fire alarm, which turned into a God-ordained opportunity of nourishing encouragement as the new day dawned and they interacted with jammie-clad elderly residents huddled outside who knew and loved Joyce.  God gave them the supernaturally-sourced sustaining strength to help my husband and me empty Joyce’s apartment into a U-Haul and make the long drive home safely that afternoon. That day I wrote, “It has been an emotional few days, and there are more unknowns and mountains to move. But Almighty God is faithful, and His mercies are new and abundant each morning. Abiding in His shadow and in the prayers of the saints.”

…and hills continued to melt like wax before Him. (Psalm 97:5)

Who would take care of my mom at our house while we went to La Crosse on Thursday?  Our niece was going to be moving back to college the next day, her summer job was done, and she had Thursday available!  (Mountain moved.) One of our daughters got sick and needed to be quarantined away from my mom and everyone else, so that meant extra work for me and a bit of stress. We all stayed well.  (Sea parted.)   As Joyce’s executor, I started working on estate administration immediately. There are special hurdles regarding Medicaid Estate Recovery, as well. There were two refunds that were going to require extra work through a legal process, but astoundingly, this was waived in both cases!  I didn’t find out until days later that God had put it on a friend’s heart to pray for this specifically, even though I hadn’t told her about those specifics. (Fortifications shaken.)  …and who would take care of my mom while we were gone all day that next Friday for the funeral 2 ½ hours away?  Our niece had already started classes at school, and on Fridays she is doing a field experience…which we discovered wasn’t going to start until the following Friday!  (Jordan crossed.)

Then my own little health crisis hit, landing me in the ER twice – once being the night before the funeral.  I was covered with inflamed, weeping, intensely itching sores. We were all beginning to identify more deeply with Job’s family by this point. (Let me just say that it would have felt wonderful to have a few good potsherds handy!)  The infection was a mystery to the doctors.  My mom set a piercing gaze on me before our daughter took me to the ER Thursday night and said, “Have you prayed? Proverbs 3:5-6.”  Yes, I’ve prayed…uh…well…I don’t know. Have I really prayed for answers? Have I gone to the One who knitted me in my mother’s womb? Oh sheesh. In the midst of the craziness, my mind had gone horizontal. All that God allows in our lives is purposeful. Nothing is wasted. What He ordains is always good and right and effectual in His plan as He weaves His tapestry. This has also been a means to draw me back under His wing as the path gets a little dark and mucky. My focus can be too intently fixed on the tasks at hand rather than on Yahweh who desires to give me rest, perspective, and provision.  So, even weeping sores are a blessing from his hand. (His tabernacle spread over me.)

“While they were yet speaking, another messenger came…” (Job 1:18) Things kept coming fast and furious as we were running on fumes.  You sometimes wait for the second shoe to drop, but we felt like Imelda Marcos’ shoe collection was being methodically unloaded on us from the back of a dump truck!  Somehow, by God’s grace and empowerment, while staying afloat with work and household needs, we also got my mom to two post-op appointments (4-hours round trip each time) and worked out a plan for helping her be independent with low vision when she does go back home. And that’s just for starters! (Wind and waves rebuked.)  Just as we thought things were settling in, on day 14, we had to rush my mom to the ER.  Complete bowel obstruction, small dissection in an artery that feeds her intestines, recurring bouts of tachycardia, something weird on her EKG, explosive vomiting and serious dehydration – and what would this strain do to her healing surgical eye?  …there are no words… 

We have felt exhausted and at the end of ourselves, but through it all, God has proven that His faithfulness is moment-by-moment. When we are weak, God’s incredible power is made even more manifest (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). We don’t know what lies around this next bend, but we do know our Abba, the Most High God – King of all heaven and earth.  He is in full control. The riches of His grace, the depth of His compassion, the power of His indwelling Spirit, the dependability of His truth, and the steadfastness of His faithfulness provide a refuge and shelter for us. As I fully expected from the outset, God has moved mountains and continues to move mountains as I lean not on my own understanding — something that can be difficult for a “planner” and “problem-solver” like me.  He is showing me that even when I have no answers and no resources, His wisdom and economy are limitless, and His grace is more than sufficient. I am in total awe of Him.

Are you walking through a valley, too? Look full in the wonderful face of God and refresh your own soul with Psalm 104.  Savor it. Meditate on it. Apply it to your situation.  Walk in light of its truths moment-by-moment with your Shepherd. He’s got this, whatever this might be in your life right now.  

The God of Psalm 104 who “touches the hills and they smoke” is the One who walks with me, provides for me, hears me, answers me, holds me, knows me, loves me, and utterly amazes me.  Our Abba is on the throne forever and ever and ever and ever. I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.

O Lord my God, You are very great!