Proverbs 29:25: Fearing Man

Yesterday, I shared that verse with someone who was fretting, anxious, nervous, and verging on being paralyzed from trying to please everyone.  They seemed to take personal responsibility for the way others might choose to react or respond in any given scenario.  That’s a losing battle on all fronts.

Jeremiah 17:5-6 paints a picture of what happens when we find ourselves fearing people or trying to draw our strength from others:  “He will be like a bush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes, but will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, a land of salt without inhabitant.’” If we spin ourselves into the ground trying to please everyone—or rely on others for our own happiness, security, provision, and value—we’re on a path of impossibility.  God says the result is that we end up like a bush struggling to survive in the desert: hot, thirsty, famished, wilting, distressed, unproductive.  …been there?  I’m sure we all have at some time or another.

It’s one thing to be respectful of others and to sincerely put others’ needs and desires above our own as Jesus commanded and modeled.  It’s another thing, however, to live in fear of others, trying so hard to please and not offend, striving to fit in and be acceptable according to others’ arbitrary standards and demands.  In our social media era, the fear of man is becoming grievously engrained in the culture’s psyche—especially in the hearts and minds and souls of children.  It can even become deadly.  Yet even the secular population seems to instinctively grasp what happens when we “fear man”:

• “I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” Ed Sheeran
• “The only thing wrong with trying to please everyone is that there is always at least one person who will remain unhappy. You.” Elizabeth Parker
• “There’s something very addictive about people pleasing. It’s a thought pattern and a habit that feels really, really good until it becomes desperate.” Anne Hathaway
• “Don’t be afraid of losing people, but be afraid of losing yourself trying to make everyone happy.” Naguib Mahfouz

When Proverbs 29:25 speaks about the “fear” of people, that Hebrew word (charadah) means to tremble, to be anxious, to quake…to be so concerned about pleasing others, caring about what others think, and counting on others that you’re unraveling at the seams.  Relying on shakable things—i.e., anything and anyone in creation (Hebrews 12:27)—rather than on God makes us skittish and neurotic.  God says it sets a snare for us.  A snare is a trap that can take many forms. In this world, the possibilities are wide open.  But that word “snare” (moqesh) also describes a hook placed in the nose of an animal to make it easier to catch and lead around.  When we fear man, we place ourselves, even if unwittingly, under someone else’s control.  In other words, we end up being led around by the nose by someone who does not necessarily have our best interests at heart.  We become a pawn—putty in the hands of another.  Ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu expressed it like this: “Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”

“But he who trusts in the Lord” can expect something very, very different.  The person who trusts the Lord—the one who listens to and heeds His voice instead of man’s…who rests in His full acceptance and perfect provision and faithful promises—that person will be “exalted” (sagab).  Again, this Hebrew word can mean what it seems to mean at face value: to be lifted up to some sort of high position, such as what happened with Daniel when he sought the Lord first and foremost instead of fearing people (including the king).  But at its core sagab (exalted) actually means to be safe…to be set “inaccessibly on high,” as in a fortified stronghold (Cf. Psalm 91).  When we trust God instead of placing our confidence in someone or something else, He promises to lift us up out of the muck and mire of this fallen world, set our feet solidly in a secure place, and make our footsteps firm (Psalm 40:1-3; 118:5-9). Our Good Shepherd actually does have our best interests in mind.  It is in His refuge that we find sweet peace, fullness of joy, dependable wisdom, intimate relationship, powerful help, real hope, a comforting embrace, genuine contentment, and all the incredible riches of His grace.  Just as verses 5-6 of Jeremiah chapter 17 paint a picture of what life looks like for those who fear man, verses 7-8 describe “the man who trusts the Lord and whose trust is the Lord.  For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.” That sounds so much better, doesn’t it?

We don’t need to live like a caged animal, full of worry, depressed, and losing our minds when people let us down or we don’t meet others’ expectations.  We always risk negative feedback from others, even when we’re conducting ourselves with integrity and clean motives.  Some people just like to complain. Some like to be contentious and pick fights.  Some live under an attitude of entitlement and ingratitude.  Some are intensively opinionated and demand that we agree with them and fit into their boxes.  Some are hurting and simply lash out at the closest person.  Some like to exert control just for the sake of exerting control.  Some put others down to make themselves feel better.  …and another news flash: Just by virtue of being a follower of Jesus, we will automatically offend some. In fact, many (John 15:18-21).  We are not responsible for the way others react to us, nor do their responses reflect our worth.  It is our Creator who gives us value and purpose, and He is the only One who delivers flawlessly on His word. We are only responsible for the way we live our own lives and who we place on the throne.  “He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8)…and let the chips fall where they may.

Someone put it this way: “If God is pleased, then stop worrying about who isn’t.”